Well done.

I’ve often noticed this dynamic, particularly as I get older.

Seems the older I get, the more men seek real intimacy and emotional bonding with me. With much younger men, 30–45 or so, there’s a strong element of an obvious need for “mothering”. With older men there’s a need for excitement, outside their relationship, their relationship that they want to protect.

When I was young and “hot", their interest was fleeting, just sex, then bye. That went for nearly all men, of any age.

I think that many men who see a woman who is kind and compassionate want to be comforted, have their emotional needs met.

As a former man myself, I can attest to the fact that the male world is harsh, often cold at or near the top. Such men bury, never show emotion, emotion that all normal humans have.

Being an “alpha male”, or even his trusty sidekick, can be such an enormous strain. Witness the clients I had, important corporate executives, who wished to be dominated by 'Mistress Honey’, back in my day.

Now, as a “civilian”, men seem to instinctively come to me seeking emotional stability and a soft, intimate, safe place to land, a respite from the “cold, cruel, world". They seek a safe harbor, a place to recharge before they go back out to “slay the dragon”.

I was chairing an AA meeting a couple of years ago. A young man, after the meeting, came around behind the podium and shyly, quietly, started telling me about his grandmother who had died recently. He never said the word,”love”, but it was obvious that he loved her very much. He wasn’t showing his pain enough for the others to easily see, but he showed it to me, in his eyes. I gave him a nice long hug. He sniffed, a small bubbling, soft, when he sniffed, visibly straightened himself and turned to face the world, dragons to slay…

This may be my imagination, but it doesn’t feel like it; when I look them in the eye, with warmth and compassion, and a complete lack of fear, their attitude changes and they become solicitous. Their eyes soften. They treat me as if I’m precious. After a few days, or weeks, they begin to change again, with the realization that I’m not particularly excited about them, and not in love.

They look resigned to the knowledge that I’m only a friend, a genuinely understanding and compassionate friend, but no more.

As I’ve mentioned before, I get an asshole now and then, a genuine creep, but that’s par for the course.

Too bad for those guys, I became quite thoroughly unempressed by men years ago, but I do love human beings.

Thanks again for the essay.

--weezi--💖🙏🏼💜🙏🏼🦄🥳