The magic of a twelve step meeting.

I walk around the corner to the Hut.

I have problems. They are minor, compared to the ones I had when I was drinking, but, of course, they are on my mind.

I see people outside, having a smoke. We smile and greet each other with genuine happiness. It’s always a joy to see, to be with friends who understand. (my problems disappeared from my mind,without notice)

We chat, hug, enjoy each other’s company. Then, inside for the meeting.

The meeting has a pretty strict format. It’s strangely comforting to have it be the same, every time. Humans seem to need ritual, and ritual gatherings. Even atheists.

The topic is the “suggestions of the twelve steps”.

One of the readings describes a conversation wherein a sponsee remarks to his sponsor that, “The steps are *only* suggestions. That means that I don’t really have to do them.” His sponsor replies that, “The steps are a suggestion in the way that, when you jump out of an airplane, it’s suggested that you pull the ripcord to save your life. Of course you don’t *have* to.”

I thought about the millions of people who refuse to “pull the ripcord”, and die, miserable and alone…

I shared that I, definitely an alcoholic, refused for 43 years. I had reasons apon reasons. There’s nothing an addict is better at than finding reasons, excuses, alibis…

One month before my sixtieth birthday, I decided to stop fighting everything and everyone.

I didn’t dive in head first. I began by being open to the possibility that these people, who had apparently stopped drinking and remained sober, their lives steadily improving, might just be on to something.

I didn’t ask anyone to be my sponsor. I just allowed myself to be open to the possibilities.

I started doing things that some other women were doing, like texting gratitude lists to each other, every morning. I thought that it was absolutely ridiculous. However, I had nothing to lose.

After about three weeks, I found myself typing out, “I’m grateful to God for…”

It felt good, perfectly natural. I was feeling a spiritual connection.

My concept of my higher power shifts from day to day. I still don’t believe in religion, but I feel loved, worthy of respect, and, most importantly, worthy of sharing my love with others.

Sitting in that meeting, I felt a spiritual connection with everyone in there. I no longer look for the differences. I relax, abandon the rest of the world’s concerns. I eagerly join in the connection with my friends, even the ones I’ve never met before.

The details of our lives are different. Our paths are not the same, but we all have a shared experience. We have a very major part of our lives, our very psyche’s, in common.

We share the same experiences, with minor, peripheral details differing, but the overwhelming, life destroying, *major malfunction*,is the same.

Regardless of my amorphous higher power’s specifications for today, the peace, the connection with my soul brothers and sisters in that room, is an experience that has more than saved my life. It has given me a reason to live. My family, in the fellowship, has given me a life.

😍😘😇🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🥰