On being a lonely old trans-woman.

I sit here, at 2:47am, after reading about the travails of young people, trans and cis, and having been sober and clean for nearly a year and a half, I see, clearly, that I’m just a lonely old woman…

I tell people that I’m fine being alone. Perhaps if I say it enough, I’ll begin to believe it.

I am mostly okay, but it would be so nice to have a mate to snuggle with, and share life with.

As far as sex goes, I still have my old penis and my body is firm and smooth, even if my face is sagging a bit. My penis hasn’t been erect in many years, but I’ve only had sex with cis-het men, for a very long time. They are not interested in my penis, at least not one of them has complained…I think that they just see me as a fetish and love that I’m so good at receiving anal penetration.

Several doctors have told me that, “With hormone therapy, you won’t get spontaneous erections.” I didn’t think to ask, “Does that mean that I can get an erection, with proper build up of desire, and some particular attention to the matter?”

I’m not obsessed, by any means, with the question, but it would be nice to know…in any case, I can have orgasms, just not that kind.

Note: Mar 24 ’20; I can’t divulge any details. I agreed not to, but it’s just been proven that, with the proper spark, time spent growing a closer emotional connection, and long, slow foreplay, turgidity is, indeed, possible.😉

At 61, I’m told that I’m still attractive.

I’m on several medications, including an antidepressant. I couldn’t get reassignment surgery, even if I could afford it.

Even some women have tried to seduce me, but they only want a hookup.

Personally, I don’t have anything that I would consider a fetish, but I am a fetish in many peoples eyes.

I took advantage of that situation in the 90s, becoming a call girl, but that held no satisfaction, only money. I was much too sensitive, emotionally, to have that continue past the point where it was financially necessary.

Now days, it looks like my only options are, sex with people who see me as a fetish, and simply being alone. Dating sites are no good, they only want a hookup. People that I meet, IRL, are afraid of what others might think about them if they begin a relationship with me.

I think that women are very desirable, but lesbians seem to have the same problem as cis het men do…they are afraid of what their friends and acquaintances will think.

Note; women are a bit frightening to me, because…I enjoy sex with men, but I fall in love with women…

I couldn’t possibly go back to living as a man, so that’s simply not “on the table”.

I enjoy reading about, and talking in person with, people who need some understanding, a little help with living life…giving some advice and encouragement…

I love my friends, don’t get that twisted, but it’s not enough…

Ah well, c’est la vie…(it could be much, much worse).(indeed, it has been much worse)

Peace Love Kindness Respect the more you give the more you get 😍 start with yourself 😉(because you deserve it)❤️🙏🏼