Old habits die hard.

I woke up this morning. Still in bed, I tried to recapture the ease and comfort of sleep, but it remained just beyond my reach. I couldn’t quite get close enough to fall into it...
Ahh, weezi. Grasping again? Apparently, I’d had enough sleep and my body was telling me to get up.
I realized the futility of my desire to avoid waking awareness, living life on life’s terms...
Desire, grasping, fear of the suffering and pains of life, wishing to not be involved or to try to ride the waves of pain and joy... giving up, again.
Old habits die hard...
Finally, after a few years of as much humility as I could manage, learning from wise people like Zen Master Thich Nhat Hahn, Pema Chodron and Venerable Thubten Chodron, that balance in life is an acquired skill and becomes easier with time...
Having experienced balance, freedom, spiritual flight, happy, joyous and free, I knew that the only way to get there again was to get up and use the minor pains of living as a springboard to happiness...
Old habits...
Never give up, my friend. Happiness is always available, but accepting the suffering and using it to grow is the decreasingly painful cost.

After forty five years of alcohol and drug abuse, it’s not easy to become motivated…