I’ve been tempted to try dating apps.
Now that I’m two days away from one year of sober and clean time, my brain is functioning similarly to an adult, human, woman.
It occurs to me that, if I date men that I meet on a dating site, I’ll just be giving away, for free, what I used to charge a ridiculous amount of money for.
I’ve met a man at my twelve step group that is obviously very interested in me. I like him quite a bit, myself.
He has been coming to the same meeting that I go to, every night, finding his way directly to me, immediately. He’s trying to appear casual about it, but, well, I find it very cute. My friend, Laura, finds it a bit amusing, too.
Tonight he made a casual comment about infidelity, and waited for my response. I responded appropriately.
Then he practically blurted out, “You need a ride home tonight?”
In the past, when I was brand new at sobriety, “a ride home”, meant, “you wanna hookup?”
This guy doesn’t mean that.
(The young neighbor man just knocked, very quietly on my storm door. Quietly enough that his wife wouldn’t hear it. She makes him smoke outside. He sits in front of their door and drinks beer, uses his phone, and smokes. When he’s out of cigarettes, I give him half a pack or so. I think she has him on an allowance.)(“just ask Aunt Weezie, she’s nice”).
Oh yeah, P****! Where was I?
“You need a ride home tonight?”😁
Laura put her head down quickly enough, hand over her mouth, and I said, “Yes. I do. Thank you!”
Laura looked up at me, smiling, I winked at her, with a quick smile.
Am I horrible?
I’m not manipulating him, just letting him know that I’m interested. I have no nefarious motives…truly, none at all. I’m sixty, and craving a nice, quiet, old-age, with a comfortable, steady partner. Is that too much to ask for a woman like me?
Oh! Shit! Does he know that I’m trans? You would think that everyone would know. I mean, a bunch of drunks who don’t drink…gotta be a lot of gossip…right? But I keep running into group members who didn’t know……. apparently, no one is 'telling’! That warms my heart…but having spent a lot of time around “party-people”, it’s perfectly natural to be a little suspicious, right?
Am I horrible, or just old and too experienced?
😍😘😇🙏🏼
