It gets easier with time

At one point, I was just so tired of worrying about passing that I decided to adopt the expectation,(in my mind), that every single person who saw me would immediately know that I was trans.

I didn’t say anything about being trans. I simply went about my day.

I began to notice people using feminine pronouns when referring to me.

As time went on and I began making new friends, we naturally, in getting to know each other, began talking about our lives and how we related to mutual friends and acquaintances, our families, our life stories, in bits and pieces. If it was appropriate to the context of what I was saying, I would refer to the fact that I am trans, in passing, with no emphasis, expecting that everyone knew anyway…

At first, when people reacted with shock, I just cynically assumed that they were humoring me, perhaps buttering me up, because they wanted something from me? Most of my friends are recovering alcoholics, a habitually manipulative lot….

I’ve never been unattractive, either as a man or a woman. From the experience, the pattern, of my entire adult life, I usually suspected that they wanted to have sex with me. Trust me, it’s not as good a thing as many people might think. Too much of anything always ends up being bad, tiresome, a chore to be endured. (Be careful what you wish for).

Eventually, it occurred to me that every single person couldn’t be humoring me or trying to get into my panties…

In it’s way, that was comforting, but, you know, life still happens , man or woman…

It’s an enormous thing to check off my list of fears, but a good life requires continual growth. If you’re not growing, you’re dying.

It didn’t bring euphoria and an endlessly joyous life. It did bring a sense of 'rightness’. It allowed me to, finally, relax. It eliminated my biggest fear, the one that had been destroying me, but life still has plenty of challenges.

You will get there. Just try not to be totally overwhelmed, and you’ll be fine.

😍😘😇🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼