I’m, seemingly permanently, in the habit of thinking in a pattern of explaining to some nebulous someone.

I grew up with an older sister who was, and at 66y/o, still is, a person with absolutely no conscience, and who takes great delight in causing others emotional distress. I’ve seen her, almost literally, do the “snoopy dance”, smiling, on tiptoe, face raised up to the ceiling, apon learning, “Oh boy! I’m going to get aalll the dirt on her!!!” A chill went up my spine and the hair raised on the back of my neck. She was on the phone.

She couldn’t get a enormous amount of alone time with me when we were children because our parents knew that she was evil. She did, however, lie convincingly and managed to get me alone much too often.

Our sister who was one year younger than her,(four years older than me), tried to protect me as much as she could, but she lived in perpetual fear of the evil one, so there really wasn’t a lot that she could do.

My most recent therapist asked me, “Louise, do you think that your childhood made you transgender or do you think that you were born this way?”

I told her,” “*****”, the question is irrelevant. I am who I am. No one can go back and “fix” anything. The only thing to do is to start from right now, and do whatever makes me reasonably happy, healthy, and useful to others.”

Kurt Buis,(“bise”), PhD, at the San Diego GLBT Center, literally saved my life in the early thru mid 90s.

I had been discharged from the Navy, ostensibly for Level 3 Alcohol Treatment failure, but really because I was a very closeted cross dresser and refused to talk about it with an “alcohol counselor”, who was really a Machinist Mate Chief who had gone to a six-week alcohol counselor course. He wasn’t even a recovered alcoholic himself.

My command gave me an honorable discharge, every financial benifit possible, and letters of reference from every commissioned officer in the squadron. Failure of Level 3 Alcohol Treatment was an instant discharge, chiseled in stone.

I was in San Diego, not my home state of NC, and took my chance to transition to female, with the help of Kurt Buis, for free, at the GLBT Center, literally saving me from death by suicide. Ironically, I’m sober and clean, after 27 years.

I’ve shared your essay on my Facebook page. There are many women, cis and trans, whom it could definitely not hurt to read it.

Thank you!

Peace Love Kindness Respect the more you give the more you get 😍 start with yourself 😉 because you deserve it ❤️🙏🏼 (my breathing mantra).