Idle ramblings

What am I doing here? After 62 years of fumbling around with life, tearing off in wild, unplanned, “crazy” directions, sinking into the bitter depths of despair, bypassing the middle ground of balance and contentment, reaching for soaring excitement, only to have it become mundane, a trap…

Sober and clean, my mind slowly clearing away the fog of decades of abuse, mostly self-inflicted…I come to the big question, “just what is my goal, going forward?”

First, the beginning of my healing. For me it has been a well known twelve step program, a fellowship that I seem to be outgrowing, though I remain ever grateful for it’s existence.💖🙏

The guidance of the steps and the traditions, and the “experience, strength and hope” of those who went before me have been instrumental in bringing me back from the “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization” of low-bottom alcoholism.

I’m comparitivly poor, financially, but rich with no fear of financial instability. Other than a desire for a life-partner, my 'wants' are not strong enough to cause me any distress. I have all that I truly need.

The only thing I feel that I need is to continue changing my way of thinking, thereby changing my way of feeling, about myself, and about others, and life in general.

A lifelong 'Omnist’,(though I only recently became aware of that term), I find my spiritual path, my main avenue of growth, wherever I come across it.

Today, this moment, is what’s truly important. At this moment I am struggling with motivation. I need to get up and do quite a bit of cleaning to my apartment, as the exterminator is coming tomorrow for a routine visit, and he tattles on those of us who are not the best housekeepers.🙄😂(I tend to reside within my mind, unaware of the external environment).