Asked of me on Quora, 20 September, 2021
“I want to ruin myself, then rebuild from ruin, then I want to ruin it again. I am kind of addicted with this pain and the feeling of "just healed". Am i ok?”
A good life is a balance, a balance in everything.It’s difficult, at first, for a number of years, until it begins to become more automatic.
Not having the patience and determination to learn to balance, to learn to “juggle many balls at once", you set yourself up for a struggle, a simple start toward a simple goal. The struggle is much simpler, much less learning intensive. People in general like for things to be simple, consistent, certain. They don’t lack the ability to work hard. They lack the confidence to trust in their own ability to solve unfamiliar problems, and are almost always too stubbornly prideful to ask for help, especially being terribly afraid of failure and embarrassment. Therefore they want to be certain of what’s next and be confident that they can do it, because they’ve done it before. That way there’s practically no possibility of failure. They never progress. They never grow.
I’ve read essays in which men list the attributes of “masculinity”. One thing that they all include in the list is “certainty”.
Have you ever heard the expression, “you can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs”?
Understand that showing uncertainty and asking for and gratefully accepting advice is not a show of weakness. It’s a sure sign of intelligence.
Learn to take chances. Get over your pride and ask for help. Really listen when you get it. Become accustomed to the inescapable fact that life is full of uncertainty. Learn from others. More experienced people will be happy to help you. Ten or twenty years down the road you’ll be able to help a younger person and then you can tell them what I’m saying now. It will be very gratifying to know that you have helped someone.
Failing at things is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of bravery. A sure sign of courage.
It’s going to be okay. You can do this. I promise.