Asked of me on Quora 2/24/2022
“Would a lesbian who refuses to date a trans woman or a gay man who refuses to date a trans man, be transphobic?”
Depends on the reason. I, for instance, am only attracted to cis-women. It’s not that I don’t like or am against in any way, transwomen, it’s just that I only have sexual desire for a real, homegrown vagina, because of the anatomy and functionality of the real thing.
I’m 63 years old and that’s what I’m used to. I’m certainly not upset about transwomen, being one myself.
I never had bottom surgery, and am a forty year expert in receiving anal penetration.
It’s not an aversion, simply a preference.
When it’s an aversion, a reaction rather than a choice, then it’s transphobic.
People tend to simplify things and then, because of insecurity, overreact.
When you truly know yourself and honestly know the difference between your unconscious reactions and your choices, you are free to experience each person as an individual.
Categorizing people into groups that you “like” and “don’t like”, springs from deep subconscious reactions. Then you rationalize a “logical reason”, taylor-made to justify your irrational fear.
Self knowledge, such as that learned in practicing the Dharma of Zen Buddhism, allows you to see it, and separate feelings arising from subconscious fears from actual logical reasoning and non-prejudicial preference.