Asked of me on Quora, 16Mar,2022
“Homophobia is badly named because homophobic people are not afraid, they are hateful. Agree/Disagree?”
They are afraid of themselves. Everyone, though many would never admit it, has some occurrences of homoerotic thoughts or desires, some often, some very rarely.
Those who have the highest “level of gayness”, if you will, but are frightened of it, project their own self-loathing onto others.
So…it is fear.
It's the Fear of their own homoerotic tendencies.
When a homophobe says, “But why do you have to shove it in our face?!”, they are telling on themselves.
When they see/hear about homosexuality or trans-people, their fear and hatred of their own secret desires is “shoved in their face”.
The stronger the homoerotic desires are in such a person, the stronger their hatred.
When I lived in San Diego I met quite a few women and men who were very confident in themselves and did not feel threatened in any way by queer people. They were not homo/trans-phobic in any way.
Those sort of people understand that they may have a homoerotic thought or fantasy, occasionally, and know that it's normal, so they don't worry about it.