Am I Really Transgender?

I had the typical, “prefered", transgender experience. I knew that I was really a girl, when I was a little boy.

Was that the result of a jealous older sister repeatedly telling me, “Boys are no good. Only girls are good!”, with the twisted smirk you might expect on a wicked witch?

Was I simply born transgender?

As I told a therapist once, the question is irrelevant. I am who I am now.

Having recently celebrated my sixty-third birthday, having recently celebrated three years of sobriety, having been practicing the Dharma of Buddhism for a couple of years…. I’m looking back over my life and asking questions.

Was I right to transition in 1993 San Diego?

Was I right to become a prostitute in order to stay there, rather than coming home to NC?

Has everything I’ve done been worth it?

Once again I can only give the same response I gave the therapist, “it’s all irrelevant”.

I have no control over the past. It would be foolish of me to torture myself, agonizing over the choices I’ve made. What’s done is done. There’s no going back and “fixing” anything. So I can just drop all of the guilt, regret and shame. It will only hurt me, and by ruining my mood, cause the people around me to suffer. Nothing good can come of it.