Reapprehended thoughts on the bathroom “debate”.🤔

In public, every day, women feel like we’re walking through a mine field, always aware, ready to jump, swerve, evade…men, especially men whom we don’t know. A strange man, in a place that’s not very public, is a major concern. Men know it. They usually take measures to reassure you that that they mean no harm, but we know, from painful experience, that the reassurance offered can easily be a lie.

I’m not saying that all women are constantly frightened out of our wits, existing in a state of paralyzing paranoia. I’m saying that, from an early age, we are cautioned to never be alone with a strange man.

In our youth, many of us think that the warning is ridiculous, until the day comes when we find out, the hard way, why the advice was given…

I’m not suggesting that all, or even most, men are dishonorable predators.

What I am saying is that the predators are very good at pretending to be a “good guy”, until they get you alone.

When we are around men that we don’t know very well, we pick up on the clues in what they say, their facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. We become experts at detecting “creeps”.

In the end, it saves us a lot of pain and heartbreak to just assume that, if it’s a male, he must prove that he is truly an honorable man. Even after that, our “creep-antenna” is always functioning, by force of habit.

It’s simply a fact of life for women. It’s how we live every day. It’s why there is a “bathroom debate”. We can’t help but think, “some men have tried to fool us that they are a nice guy, only to ‘take advantage’ when they have convinced us of their honorable intentions.”

So…after living under this threat for a lifetime, day in and day out, is it really a stretch to be afraid of what we see, that “seems” to be a man in a dress, coming into a space where we normally feel safe disrobing?

Note; if the trans-woman is “passing”, then, of course, you wouldn’t know…

I am a transexual woman. I know that, without a doubt, when I went to the ladies room, 28 years ago, the women in it were in absolutely no danger.

However, after suffering the “slings and arrows” of patriarchy and rape-culture for the past 28 years, I can understand how many women feel.

Without even having a conscious thought about it, men are suspect, until they prove themselves. It’s an unconscious bias that all women have, by necessity. It’s a basic survival strategy that is, after years of experience, ingrained in our very psyches. I wouldn’t be surprised to find that it’s a “genetic memory”.

I am not proposing that this dynamic is “right”, or “wrong”, or how it should be changed or “taken care of”. It simply *is*… Do the good men or the beginning transwomen *deserve* this suspicion? Of course not, but basic survival instincts are ingrained deeply, and difficult to change.

Cis women don’t have the experience that I have, to mitigate an instinctive fear, and subsequent fight-or-flight reaction that is instinctive, automatic, and very deeply rooted.

What I am recommending is that all of us transwomen acknowledge that fact.We must realize that people, by and large, not only won’t, but can’t simply discard an instinctive reaction, because they are told that they need to, “should” want to, are being unreasonable if they don’t immediately rid themselves of it.

Also as important to understand is that when a person’s feelings, beliefs and especially an instinctive fear are attacked, the natural reaction is to back into a defensive position, and “double down” on their rationale.

Imagine yourself up on a tightrope, on the platform, about to step onto the rope. Someone has assured you that there is a safety net, only three feet below, but it’s completely invisible. You’ve never seen anyone fall to their death from this particular tightrope, but you know that it sometimes happens, even if it is extremely rare. You are very frightened. Still, understandably reluctant, you say, “But how can I be sure?”. Your guide says, “Well just trust me, no one has ever fallen off this tightrope!” You say, “all I have is your assurance. I’ve been reassured before, only to be taken advantage of!” Your guide gets a bit angry, insisting that, “You are being irrational! I told you that it never happens! Just get over it!” 😡

Would you step out on the tightrope? Or would you become indignant and say, “Oh, you have lost your damned mind! I’ll never step out on that rope!”?

People have to see things demonstrated over and over, for a very, very long time, to ever even consider letting go of an instinctive fear. Some can never let it go.

Patience and kindness my friends… “slow and steady wins the race”.

Peace Love Kindness Respect the more you give the more you get 😍 start with yourself 😉 because you deserve it ❤️🙏🏼

Thank you for reading.

❤️🙏🏼