After an AA speaker meeting,in which the speaker was the most pitiful, milquetoast, man I’ve ever encountered,(I pretended to get a text and “had to hurry off!”), I was unemotional enough to read the whole thing, keeping enough of a clinical-distance that I didn’t melt down into a sniveling snot-monster…

However, at every turn, I related what I was reading, perfectly, to certain periods and events in my life.(no tears falling, but my eyes got a little prickly at the thought of telling you this).

The distraction of my seemingly involuntary “trips down memory lane”, rendered me incapable of thoroughly following and absorbing the content.

Thank you Sheri. I’m going to have to archive it and come back to it, again and again, until I can get the full understanding and benifit….

My parents both working all the time during my formative years, along with a sociopathic older sister who delighted in torturing me, and was very clever in not getting caught red-handed…

Then my father’s death when I was eight, mom in her bed, crying for months, me alone in the den, watching TV and hearing her sobs, both sisters nowhere to be found…

Being such a “pretty boy”, unconsciously effeminate…

Forced by the annoying habit of eating and having a car and a roof over my head, to be a “transexual-call-girl”, in 1990s San Diego…

And yes, I was what would be known as a “power-bottom”. I used men, mercilessly, the richer the better…and the drunker the better.

And now, here I am, sober and clean for two years and two months, for the first time in 45 years…

At the age of 62, trying to put this all together and “become”…?

I no longer have any desire for men, not sex, not money, even their company in public places is just…it just grates on my nerves, not alarmingly, but just a constant irritation.

Recently I’ve recalled the genuine love I had for a girlfriend,(we were both 16 y/o), and then a wife that I loved,(married for 10 years), and had truly the only sex that took us both to another demension…that “real, truly intimate”, and sustained, in a different demension together, connection that every girl dreams of…until I got out of the navy and came out as transgender…she went completely nuts…

I’m sort of stringing along a younger woman,52, petite, pretty, femme. She’s married to a man in his late 70s who is not well, quite feeble in fact…

I keep “not” getting together with her, because I am afraid. Me, afraid!?

Crazy, right!?

Ah, what a fucked up mess🤪. I’m working on it though, and I always appreciate your input. You’ve helped me a number of times now, and I’ve only thanked you twice, including this time…I think 🙄

Be safe Sheri 💖🙏🏼💜🙏

Me again 😂. Ten(?) minutes later…this is me, now, at 62;