Afraid of Love
-When we fall, we give it all.-
We, the sensitive, the delicate of heart. When we fall for someone, we fall, heart, mind, body, soul. We don't hold anything back. We give so much more than sex or companionship. We give everything we are, with no reservations.
After many years of life, we know this about ourselves. Some of us become bitter. We become guarded, suspicious of anyone who shows an interest. We hide our hearts away. Putting them 'out there' only invites more abuse, more heartache, being taken for granted.
The last time....Our lover takes our support for granted. They sometimes take out their frustration on us.
We "understand". We don't take it personally, because we've "lost" ourselves.
We haven't "lost" ourselves. We've *given* ourselves away.
Our lover has become everything. They are our universe, our reason for living. We don't know what we would do, who we would be, without them.
We have said to ourselves, too many times, "Oh! That really hurt! But she/he was upset about xyz. They didn't 'really mean it'. I'll just love them harder, love them more, and it will be okay." Then we put it far into the back of our minds. It's too painful to think about...
When our lover is good, is kind and gentle, we are high on love, feeling that "this is really them. The person I fell in love with!" We're giddy with the pleasure, the attention, the "love".
Then comes the time we begin to realize that the lack of attention, the taking us for granted, is getting worse and worse...Or is it just that we're feeling worn down, our "rope" is fraying. We're less able to make excuses for them... they only really notice us when they are upset and need the tlc that we always give, because that's what we do, right? We give... and give, and...
Our friends, and self-help personal development things that we've read are 'conspiring' to make us unhappy with the situation. They are all telling us that we must develop a sense of self. We must refuse to be treated like that any more!
"But, what will I do? How will I live? What will become of this newfound "me" that I've just rediscovered?"
We make the break. It's hard, but we make it. We discover self-love. We look forward to a bright, happy future. There's no end to the groups of people with the same story, but having tried one or two, they seem flat, after an initial surge of joy, just disappointing... there's even people in the group that seem to have taken on the role of the…